Embracing Grace: A Realization

“For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

–Ephesians 2:8-9

So many people (and so many churches) are searching for something.  Throughout history, much of humanity has struggled with religion, trying to seek God in various forms and in various ways.

Obviously, religious expressions have taken almost countless forms over the years.  There are now variations of almost every religion. There are variations on top of the variations that have split to form different denominations and congregations…and that is just within Christianity!

I personally have come to believe that Christianity is the true and trustworthy system of faith.  There is something unique and formative about the message of Jesus in Christianity that is not present in other major religions and trains of thought.  But believe me…much of the Christian church is still terribly and tragically flawed in many ways.  Why is it flawed?  Because people are in Christian churches, and people are not perfect. (Romans 3:23)  The Christian church may have gone through a Reformation, but it needs a revitalization.  The church is imperfect, partly because it has downplayed the message of God’s grace and love as exemplified in the Gospel message of Jesus Christ.

Fact is, churches are confusing, and frustrating!  There are TONS of choices when looking for a church!  Which one is right?  Which one is wrong?  What’s what?  Who’s who?  Who knows!?!  What sets a church apart?  What sets Christianity apart?  I believe it is one simple thing: Grace.

The thing that sets biblical Christianity apart is the central teaching of God’s loving mercy, found in the grace that God freely gives us in Christ Jesus and His death on the cross for all sin.  The concepts of grace and love as found in the Bible are not to be dismissed or brushed over.  Dwelling on God’s grace is not a sign of an “immature faith” or a “dismissal of sin.”

If you cut grace out of your faith, out of your church, or out of your Christianity, you cut the heart and soul, out of the message of Jesus.  To be honest, I don’t even know what you would be left with at that point.

Stressing God’s love and God’s grace does not cheapen grace. It centralizes it as the unique, formative teaching that the Bible clearly shows us that it is.  You do not need to dismiss sin in order to more fully embrace grace.  Grace is the pure expression of God’s undeserved love and mercy that has been freely given to us.

If we as Christians, or we as the church, are to truly be changed to be more like Jesus, the only thing that will change us is the continued realization of God’s grace, through the guidance and teaching of the Holy Spirit.  God reveals his grace to all of us through the act of Jesus dying on the cross.  THIS is the heart of the Gospel.  This IS the Gospel.

The Good News for everyone is that while God is just, God is also Love. (1st John 4:7-12)  Nothing can ever separate you from God’s love through Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:31-39)  God is gracious and merciful, and this is revealed to us through the saving act of Christ’s death on the cross for all sin, for all people, for all time.  It is already done, and it has been shown to us…now we need only believe, and embrace God’s unfailing, unending grace.  By grace you have been saved, through faith…this is a gift from God.

This is the revelation that changes us, that sets us apart.  I believe the more we come to a realization of God’s amazing grace, the more it will change our hearts and minds to be more like Christ Jesus. If you take grace out of the equation, you are removing what is distinct about Christianity, you are removing the “other” from the church and resting on worldly ideals and values such as moralism and legalism.  It is easier to forget grace and act upon what we think people “deserve” or “earn.”  It is more human to judge than to give grace.  A lack of grace can cause damage.  A lack of embracing God’s divine gift can cause despair.  That is why we need to fight for grace; to never forget it.

“For from his (Jesus) fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 

-John 1:16-17

Grace is truth.  Grace is an expression of God’s love.  There is a beautiful simplicity to Christianity at its core.  To minimize the beauty of grace and love that all have been given through Jesus is a tragic error.  As Paul writes in 1st Corinthians: Love is the greatest. (1st Corinthians 13)  Without love, it’s all just noise.  If you forget grace, and forget the love that God gives you, you are completely missing the point.

If your Christian faith or Christian spirituality is centered on anything other than faith in the grace and love exhibited through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, then you are not going to “change”.  You are not going to “grow” in your faith.

If you find your Christianity is centered on politics, then you are lost.  If you find your Christianity is centered on power, then you are wrong.  If you find your Christianity is mixed with, or resting on a nationalistic pride, then you are perverting the Gospel.   If you find your Christianity is all about making you comfortable and giving you a feeling of superiority, then you are not centered on God’s truth.  If you cling to the Law and minimize love and compassion, then you are heading down a road of depression and failure.  A faith that prioritizes Law at the expense of God’s love and God’s grace, is a weak and misguided faith.

God’s grace is a gift.  A gift that we should give to others.  To show others, to tell others about.  All. The. Time.

But what about sin?  Are we just to dismiss sin?  Is it all just sunshine and daisies and “Do whatever you want whenever you want!”  Nope.  Here’s the thing: Embracing Grace doesn’t mean embracing or even condoning sin. (Romans 6:1-14)  Yes, sin is real, and sin is serious, but the grace given to us is bigger and more powerful.  God is bigger than sin.  Grace is bigger than despair.

If we are under grace, if we are coming to a more expansive understanding of the grace of Jesus Christ through the power and prompting of the Holy Spirit, then we are no longer a slave to sin or walking in our old sinful ways. (Romans 6:14)

God’s grace changes people.  Grace is motivating.  It is pure. Realizing this revelation and embracing God’s endless and incredible love is the ONLY way that we, as broken/lost people, can ever hope to grow in Christ and deepen the bedrock of our faith.  We do not become more “mature” Christians by being more lawful.  We don’t advance our faith by making Jesus smaller and us bigger.

When we realize our weakness and failures, and we realize that His grace is sufficient, then God’s power and God’s strength can start to affect, change us…mold us in His image. (2nd Corinthians 12:9)  Grace has been given to us, and grace can motivate us in a loving, caring way.  As 1st Corinthians 16:14 says, “Let all that you do, be done in love.”

We do not yet fully comprehend God’s love and mercy.  The Apostle Paul says that here on earth, we only see God and God’s love as a reflection in a dimly lit mirror.  We don’t yet really understand what grace is.  It is counter-cultural.  It is otherworldly.  It is from a higher power; and we struggle with it.  That’s why we need to hear about God’s love over, and over, and over, and over, and OVER.

It may seem repetitive, or it may seem immature, but it is truth, and it is vital.  The Gospel is the story of God’s grace given to us.  It is God’s love incarnate through Christ Jesus.  God is with us, God loves us, God shows us mercy, God gives us peace and grace, and we receive this through faith.  We are empowered by the Holy Spirit to grow in this love and grace and knowledge of Christ, and to pass it on to all we encounter, in all circumstances.

I pray that the church would embrace grace more fully and more often, and that we would dwell in God’s love and God’s mercy.  I pray that this would change us, so we can truly be Christ’s ambassadors.  Everyone needs grace…when we realize this, we will experience the joy and hope that God has for us in Christ Jesus.

Embracing Grace is not weakness.  Embracing Grace is realizing our weakness, realizing how undeserving we are, and deepening our understanding and thanksgiving in the fact that God, in our unworthy state, chose to bring us out of death and into life, showing us mercy and love unending.  May we all show this love and grace to all around us, in everything we do, in and outside of the church.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God”

– Romans 5:1-2

December 11, 2017December 12, 2017 by Kyle Categories: Christianity, Random, UncategorizedTags: bible, Christianity, Christians, church, doctrine, Faith, gift, god, grace, Hope, Love, Religion, sin, spiritualism, theology Leave a comment

An Ambulance and a Sandwich

Darkness

It was 2012, late in the Fall.  My family and I had just moved back home to Washington State about a year and a half prior, and I found myself working as a Night Crew Manager at a tiny grocery store in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Seattle.  My shift started at 11:00pm and ended at 7:30am, with a half hour lunch…in the middle of the night.

During the fall and winter I would rarely see the light of day.

When I got off work it would be dark.

When I went to sleep at home it would be dark.

When I woke up to go to work it would be dark.

Life felt like one long, dark day…with extended naps in the middle.

There was no night to “reset” my system.  I lost track of what day of the week it was.  Everything just blended together in a slow, dark, repetitive cycle.   I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was probably suffering from some form of mild depression.  I was always tired, quick to anger, and rarely felt content or truly at peace.  I wasn’t happy, and became very cynical and pessimistic.

My wife and daughter were, as always, amazing and supportive; but something was still just off.  Because my sleep schedule was so different, we didn’t do much socially, and our attendance at things like church and other functions was spotty at best.  When I did pull myself out of bed to do something outside of work, I was spacey and distant and mostly just thought about how I would rather be sleeping.

One of the hardest parts of working nights was the crowd that I often interacted with.  I liked my co-workers (two other guys); but the average “customer” who comes into a grocery store at 3:00am on a random weekday isn’t always there to purchase food items.

I’d say that after about 12:00am or 1:00am, for every legitimate, normal customer, we had 4 or 5 people just coming in to steal.  Night after night, I would encounter drunks and thieves…stealing left and right.  It made me really start to dislike people in general.  When you are constantly dealing with people coming in ranting and raving, smelling like human waste, and stealing detergent and liquor…it doesn’t exactly paint the greatest picture of humanity.

I started to hate people.  I started to think the worst of everyone.  Whenever someone would come into the store at night, my first thought was: Why aren’t you just at home asleep like a normal person?  I didn’t give people the benefit of the doubt…I just doubted their intentions.  I didn’t like feeling this way, but it was how I felt most of the time.

A Promise Motivated by Hate

One night, something happened that was somewhat funny, but at the time strengthened my distaste for the human race.

It was after 3:00am, on a fairly normal night.  I man who I assume was homeless, rode his old bike up to our store and parked it by the front door.  He was a white male, middle aged…about my height, with greying, frayed hair.  He smelled like cigarettes, alcohol, and urine, and was dressed in baggy pants and several plaid shirts, layered on him.

He asked where our bathroom was, and we directed him back to the grocery backroom where the public restroom was located.  I looked at my co-worker and we shook our heads, and went back to work.  About 30 minutes later we realized that he had not come out of the restroom yet.  It was a single person unisex restroom, with a door lock.  We went back to knock on the door, to give him a warning that he had 5 minutes to “finish up” and get out.  He slurred some response, and we figured oh great he is either drunk or shooting up, which happened often.  We would usually find needles and drug paraphernalia in the restrooms at night…shoved in the garbage can, left in the sink…hidden in the upper back portion of the toilet.  Real fun stuff.

We thought we heard him leave about 20 minutes later, so we didn’t think much of it after that.  About two hours passed, and it was then around 5:00am.  We started to see a few working professionals come through, and one went back to use the restroom, and noted to us that someone was in it, and they thought they heard snoring.

We ended up unlocking the door, and finding the man passed out drunk, next to two 6-packs of beer that he had stolen from us on the way back to the restroom (cameras confirmed this later), with has pants around his ankles, laying up against the bathroom wall, surrounded by empty bottles and broken glass.  My co-worker woke him, propped him up, and I called the police, as he staggered out of our store.  He grabbed his bike, and walked/wobbled (bobbing and weaving) across the street, where he sat down on the curb in front of a coffee shop.

He immediately passed out again, slumped over, falling straight forward basically folded in half, with his head between his knees, his arms stretched out in front of him, and his pants sagging down so far that his bare butt was hanging out; effectively mooning the coffee shop (Victrola) behind him.  There he slumped for the next 2o minutes or so, unmoving, oblivious to world, mooning anyone who walked behind him.

The police never showed up.  But the coffee shop owners did.  Apparently, he was so still that they thought he was dead.  They must have called 911, because a few minutes later, an ambulance showed up and the paramedics hopped out to go see if he was still alive.  They woke him up, he looked around dazed and confused, gave them a “thumbs up” and they shook their heads, patted him on the back, and left.

He pulled up his pants, moved off the curb, and slumped against the outside wall of the coffee shop beside his bike.  My co-worker and I laughed a little, and went outside to take a quick break.  We were still frustrated that he had stolen from us, but somewhat amused at the whole ordeal.

Then something happened.  It shouldn’t have angered me so much, but it did.  A few minutes after the aid car had left, a patron from the coffee shop came out with a large warm drink and a sandwich in his hand.  He bent down to the man laying against the building, and gave him the drink and the sandwich, smiled, and shook his hand.  The drunk man smiled and waved goodbye to the charitable person, and began to eat his sandwich, all the while looking quite content and pleased with himself.

So after a hard night of getting blackout drunk on stolen beer, the man was rewarded with a freshly made sandwich and a warm drink to start off his day.

When I saw that, I swore to myself that from that day forward, I would never give a homeless person anything ever again.  I was angry.  I hated people.  I even hated people’s charity.  What I just witnessed didn’t seem right to me.  What did this bum do to deserve this kind of care and compassion?  All he had done was made my night a living hell, having witnessed him passed out drunk on stolen beer, having to drag him out of a restroom, having to call the police, having to clean up broken beer bottles and mop up spilled beer and urine!  This was just stupid.  He was a ridiculous person.

In that moment I was not loving, I was not compassionate, I was not caring…and I was not right.

I didn’t think of that man as a child of God.  I didn’t want to show him love, and I didn’t want to show him forgiveness.  I didn’t want him to receive mercy, I wanted him to receive what I thought he deserved: punishment.  I judged him, and I wrote him off as a worthless person.  A drunk.  A loser.  Then I lumped everyone else that is in similar circumstance in with him.  In my heart, I decided that if ANYONE was drunk, homeless, or a criminal, or even down on their luck…that it was their fault, and they didn’t need any pity from me!  They must all be just like this guy.  They were “bad people” who did “bad things” and didn’t care.

I was wrong to think this way.

 

“You Shall Love Your Neighbor As Yourself”

In the Bible, Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment, or rather, what the greatest commandment of the Law is.  He responds by saying:

“The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

There is no commandment greater.

With the hundreds of laws and rules that are listed throughout the Bible, Jesus sums it all up for us.  Now, I knew these verses, and I knew this teaching.  But knowing something, and doing something are two different things.  Sometime’s loving people is hard.  Sometimes I don’t want to love others; let alone love them as much as I love myself.

I still remember how I felt that day when I saw a man who made so many bad (and illegal) choices rewarded.  But it doesn’t fill me with anger and hate anymore.  If anything, I am thankful that it happened, because it gives me perspective.

When I was working nights, I wasn’t just seeing darkness; I was living in it.  I allowed myself to become jaded, and my heart to be hardened towards others, because I forgot the love of Christ.  I drifted away from the light of God’s love.  I forgot that Jesus doesn’t just love me, He loves everyone.  He doesn’t just love the unlovable, He died for them too.

Jesus doesn’t see a drunk or a thief and think: That is a worthless person.  He doesn’t see a Muslim or an atheist and say: They are the enemy!  He doesn’t see gay man or a lesbian and claim: Oh they are just sinners! But He does see them…and He loves them.  He shows His love through His death on the cross, for their sins, for my sins, and for yours.

Romans 5:8 says:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

We are all sinners, and we have all fallen short of the glory of God.  But He loves us anyway.  I am thankful that I know this.  I am thankful for God’s grace.  For us, as flawed people, the richness and fullness of God’s undeserved mercy and grace is hard to comprehend.  It is hard for us to embrace this unconditional love that God shows us, and then live our lives according to that undeserved love and affection.

I wonder what I look like to God?  I wonder why He loves me?  Don’t get me wrong, I know He does love me, and I am glad!

I wouldn’t be surprised that to God, I could look kind of like a drunk, stumbling around in the dark, lost in my sinful desires, searching for love and fulfillment in misguided and misdirected ways, smelling like urine and stale beer, with tattered clothes and matted hair.

A Life of Joy & Hope

I am thankful that I did not stay in darkness, living a cold and bitter life.  I have seen the light of God’s love.  When I see the cross that Jesus died on, I see a loving sacrifice.  I see hope and light…even if it is a dark world sometimes.

When Christians (or people) are able to fully embrace the love of God and the grace that He shows us, then we live a life of joyful thanksgiving.  We WANT to help people, we WANT to love people.  Not because we stand to gain from it, but because we are so thankful for what has already been done, and we are so filled with God’s love for us, that we simply want to pass that on to others.  We can’t help but pass on, and live out, God’s love in our lives.

Can you imagine what the world would look like if Christians truly did love God above ALL else and love our neighbors as ourselves?  That would be revolutionary.  That would change the world in drastic, dramatic, and amazing ways.

Christianity is not about judgement and condemnation.  It is not about fear and isolation.  It is not about feeling better than someone else, or more deserving than others.  It is about experiencing the joy that comes through the knowledge of the saving act of grace that Jesus completed on the cross for all of us.  It is about depending on Jesus, completely and solely.  It is about forgiveness, hope, love, joy, peace, and mercy.

It is my hope, and my prayer, that all who I know and come in contact with will be able to experience this hope and joy that I now have.  Every day I thank God for the mercy and love He has shown me, and shown others.  My goal, motivated by thanksgiving and hope, is to step out of the darkness that surrounds us, and strive to live each day learning to love God more, and love others more.  That, to me, is what living the Christian life is about.

“The Light shines in darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

John 1:5

 

 

 

 

 

April 13, 2017September 26, 2017 by Kyle Categories: Christianity, entertainment, Random, UncategorizedTags: darkness, depression, god, Hate, Hope, jesus, joy, Love, sin, thankful, work Leave a comment

My Year at the Movies: 2016

I have a confession to make:  I watch too many movies.  Its true.  But hey, movies are fun!

Of the movies that were released in the 2016 calendar year, I watched 52 of them.  Some were very good…some were very bad.  I have found that often times how much I like a film I see is strongly determined by how much I was looking forward to seeing that movie, or rather, how much I was expecting to enjoy the movie.  Sometimes I go into a movie not really expecting much from it at all, and I am pleasantly surprised.  Other times I go to a movie and expect it to be the best movie of the year, and I am sadly disappointed.  Usually, my expectations are met and are somewhat accurate, but not always.  I try not to “get my hopes up” too much before I watch a movie, but looking forward to a big summer blockbuster or critically acclaimed award winner is sometimes half the fun!

So I decided to divide all the 2016 movies I saw into 3 categories.

Movies that:

1. Exceeded Expectations
2. Met Expectations
3. Disappointed

Below are all the 2016 Movies I saw, divided into the aforementioned 3 categories, and given a star rating..from a scale of 1 to 5 (1*-5*).  Some of the movies that disappointed me were actually very good movies, but I had expected even more from them.  Some of the movies that exceeded my expectations were average movies, but I expected to dislike them.  I provided a short explanation/review for the movies I saw that exceeded my expectations, but in the interest of time/length, I only provided a star* rating for the movies in the other two categories.

Hope you enjoy!  See you at the movies!

(Note: This post looks VERY long…but its 98% pictures after the first section.)

Exceeded Expectations: 9 Movies

13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi – 3*

I watched this one on Hulu last month…with very low expectations.  Michael Bay is definitely good for blowing stuff up…but not much else.  However, overall I was pleasantly surprised by the movie.  Was it great? No.  Was it a solid action/war movie, yes!  The dialogue was still clunky, and there were way too many scenes of guys lifting weights and “bro-ing out” and “getting swole”…but if you trim some of that out, overall it was entertaining.  It kind of reminded me of a poor man’s Black Hawk Down.  Was it accurate to the events that actually happened in Benghazi?  I have no idea.

Kung Fu Panda 3 – 3.5*

I thought the first two Kung Fu Panda movies were fun, but somewhat forgettable.  I expected this third installment in the trilogy to be OK…and probably not as good as the two films that came before it.  However, I was pleasantly surprised.  The story and animation were pretty great, and I liked it a lot more than I expected I would.

Bridget Jones’s Baby – 3.5*

I like a good chick flick!  As a guy, I know that is an unpopular statement.  However, I think a good romantic comedy is very enjoyable.  Sometimes a light-hearted movie is exactly what you need.  I had actually never seem a Bridget Jones movie before…but I kinda knew the basic premise.  I thought this movie was funny, and the acting was pretty good too!  Yes, it was predictable, and yes, it had some weird plot devices, but it was fun!  I think I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it, having not seen the previous movies in this franchise, but even as a standalone movie, I thought it was very entertaining.

The Secret Life of Pets – 3.5*

This was a fun movie.  I especially liked Louis C.K. and Kevin Hart (as a bloodthirsty bunny) in this movie.  It was a clever movie based on a clever idea.

Star Trek Beyond – 3.5*

I’ve liked all the Star Trek “reboot” movies so far, and this was no exception.  My hopes were not quite as high for this film, since I had heard some negative feedback about it before I saw it, and since JJ Abrams was not directing.  Justin Lin took over as director, and he is mainly known for the Fast & Furious franchise.  Overall, I liked this film.  It had a good mix of humor and action.  I know Star Trek “purists” DID NOT like it…but I am not a Star Trek purist.  It was a good action film, that happened to be a Star Trek film.

The Accountant – 3*

I had not really heard much about this movie, and honestly didn’t really know the plot before I watched it.  I was pleasantly surprised!  I always like Anna Kendrick, and I thought that Ben Affleck did a solid job in this role as well.  The story was interesting…although it took some weird turns towards the end that were a little too far-fetched for me.  The end kind of fell apart…but the first 2/3rds of the movie were good.

Moana – 4.5*

I just watched this movie for the first time recently at home, and really liked it!  It was like a good classic Disney movie, but updated with the latest CG animation, etc.  Disney has been on a roll lately with their animated films, and this one was no exception.  Bonus points: The actress who voiced Moana, (Auli’i Cravalho) is only 16 and this was her first real movie role!  And she sang the songs (very well!) in the movie!  AND, she sang LIVE on stage at the Oscars!  I mean…come on…she is impressive!

Zootopia – 4.5*

Great movie!  Great story.  Jason Bateman is awesome.  This movie definitely deserved to win Best Animated Picture at this year’s Academy Awards.  I’ve watched it many times (my son loves repeat viewings), and have yet to grow tired of it.

Pete’s Dragon – 4*

I didn’t really even like the original…but the remake was pretty good!  I think since I wasn’t a huge fan of the previous movie, I had very low expectations for this one.  However, it was a lot of fun, and it makes me want to visit New Zealand (filming location)!

Met Expectations: 25 Movies

La La Land – 4.5*

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story – 3.5*

The Angry Birds Movie – 3*

Manchester By the Sea – 3.5*

Trolls – 3*

The Magnificent Seven – 3*

Storks – 3*

Jason Bourne – 3*

Suicide Squad – 3*

Nine Lives – 1.5*

X-Men: Apocalypse – 3*

Captain America: Civil War – 4*

Deadpool – 3*

Mother’s Day – 3*

How to be Single – 2.5*

The Shallows – 3*

The Divergent Series: Allegiant – 2.5*

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 – 3*

The Invitation – 3*

Criminal – 3*

Sing Street – 3*

The Nice Guys – 3*

Hell or High Water – 3*

Kubo and the Two Strings – 3*

Snowden: 2.5*

Disappointed: 18 Movies

Zoolander 2 – 1*

Finding Dory – 3.5*

Arrival – 2.5*

Ghostbusters – 2.5*

The Girl on the Train – 2.5*

Sausage Party – 0.5*

Central Intelligence – 2*

Independence Day: Resurgence – 2*

Now You See Me 2 – 1.5*

Alice Through the Looking Glass – 2*

Money Monster – 2.5*

The Jungle Book – 2.5*

The Boss – 2*

The BFG – 2.5*

The Little Prince – 2.5*

London Has Fallen – 2*

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot – 2.5*

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice – 2*

Movies from 2016 I Still Want to See:

Moonlight, Hacksaw Ridge, Lion, Race, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Keanu, The Lobster, Eye in the Sky, Swiss Army Man, Florence Foster Jenkins, War Dogs, Sully, Deepwater Horizon, Masterminds, The Birth of a Nation, Keeping Up With the Joneses, Dr. Strange, Loving, Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them, The Edge of Seventeen, Nocturnal Animals, Allied, Bad Santa 2, Fences, Sing, Passengers, Hidden Figures, and Silence.

March 8, 2017March 9, 2017 by Kyle Categories: entertainment, movies, Random, UncategorizedTags: 2016, awards, expectations, movies, opinion, reviews Leave a comment

A Poem of Persistence & Prayer

Written on 2/13/17

-KDH

 

 

 

February 16, 2017February 17, 2017 by Kyle Categories: Christianity, Poem, poetry, Politics, Random, UncategorizedTags: Authority, Christianity, Constitution, GODHELPUS, Hate, Love, Morality, Poem, poetry, Politics, Trump, walls, WeThePeople Leave a comment

The Unspoken Terror: Toddlers

If you are anything like me, you have been confused and anxious the last few weeks about things like terrorism, immigration, refugees, and executive orders.  Information is flying in every direction.  There are a lot of facts (both real and alternative) and profound feelings to be shared.  Are we safe?  But more importantly, do we feel safe?  How do we know?  How do we feel about what we think we might know?

Our nation’s safety is of paramount concern, to be sure.  The actions of the new Trump Administration have been far-reaching and quick moving…addressing issues that range from building walls to banning refugees.  These actions, according to our new administration, have been put in place and suggested in order to help us feel more safe, and to reduce the serious and deadly threats that face our great nation today.  According to President Trump, the most pressing threat facing our country is: Radical Islamic Terrorism.

Just reading that phrase should be enough to send shivers down your spine!  I know my spine is shivering.  Are terrorist about to attack us?  Well, I wanted to know more about this serious threat, so I decided to look at some of the facts and statistics.  What I found shocked me to my core, and has literally kept me up night, after night, after sleepless night.

The Real Enemy: They might already be in your home.

Unfortunately for our great country, the real threat has been overlooked.  I feel that in order to make our country truly great again, we have to speak the truth and address the terroristic reign of a group of people who are slaughtering our fellow citizens.  The threat that I speak of, is of course: The American Toddler.  Or, as I now refer to them: The Terror Tots!

That’s not even half a year!  CARNAGE!

Yes, that’s right: Toddlers are armed and dangerous, and freely roaming homes, backyards, and daycare facilities in our precious, precious land.  Don’t let their cuteness distract you!  THAT’S WHAT THEY WANT!  If you turn your back, they WILL shoot you.  If you don’t turn you back on them, they will shoot you in the face.  It’s really a lose-lose.  If we ignore them further, their terror will spread.  We must call terrorism out when we see it.  It is patriotic and presidential to do so.

This realization of facts is especially painful for me personally, because I know toddlers.  I must admit…I even have one in my house.  Having discovered the terrorism he is capable of, I now equally love AND fear him.  I submit to you, based on statistics, that we should be referring to this segment of our population not as “The Terrible Twos”, but, “The Terrorist Twos.”

Terror Tots are here in our country, they are in your neighborhoods, and they are deadly.

Avoid Georgia.  Obviously.

As you can see from the map above, toddlers are shooting our citizens across our great country, from sea to shining sea.  They do not discriminate…Red State or Blue State, they will kill you dead.  There is no remorse, just homegrown American Carnage.  This is truly terrifying.

Statistically speaking, on average, over the last 10 years you are 950% more likely to be killed by at toddler in the USA than you are a foreign terrorist (21 v. 2 deaths per year, http://www.snopes.com/toddlers-killed-americans-terrorists).  I don’t want to scare you further, but in the interest of honesty and national security, there are other DEADLY threats that face our nation as well.  Here are some truly “pee-your-pants-scary” stats about OTHER things that are more likely to kill you than those despicable terrorists:

• Far-Right Wing Domestic Terrorists: 150% more likely to kill you.
  • http://securitydata.newamerica.net/extremists/deadly-attacks.html (5 per yr.)
• Lawnmowers: 3,350% more likely to shred you into little pieces, and then kill you.
  • http://wonder.cdc.gov/ (69 per yr.)
• Lightning: 1,450% more likely to zap you to death and kill you dead.
  • http://www.nws.noaa.gov/om/hazstats/resources/weather_fatalities.pdf (31 per yr.)
• Buses: 13,100% more likely to pancake you to death…and kill you.
  • http://wonder.cdc.gov/ (264 per yr.)
• Falling out of your own bed: 36,750% more likely to kill you in new and unthinkable ways.
  • http://wonder.cdc.gov/ (737 per yr.)

I’ll give you a minute to go lock your doors, blow up your lawnmower, go to the basement to hide from lightning, slash all the tires on all buses, and set your bed ablaze in the back yard.  Done?  Make sure to utterly destroy that lawnmower…but from a safe distance.  I recommend using an assault weapon…you know…to be safe, and because it is your God-given American right to do so!

Enough of this Sidetracking Foolishness: How do we solve this problem?

This is Bradley.  He loves trains, cookies, and semi-automatic weapons.  He wishes he was holding a real gun.  Because it is his 2nd Amendment right…but mostly because he wants to shoot you dead.

So let’s get back to the issue at hand.  How do we prevent further attacks from these terrorist toddlers?  Well, like many things in life, the issue is not as simple as it may seem.

I suppose one could suggest that we stop arming these young children with guns and weapons.  This, of course, is a stupid suggestion.  Really, anyone suggesting this should be shot!  We all know that it is Un-American to take guns away from toddlers.  COME ON!  They have the RIGHT to keep and bear arms!  Besides, if we take guns away from toddlers, who is going to protect us from foreign-born terrorists and refugees?  Think about it!  If we start taking guns away from our children, what’s next?  Slippery slope!  Check & Mate, my dumb liberal snowflake friend!

As any non-stupid person knows, gun control is never the answer.  We ALL know that guns don’t kill people…Foreign Islamic Terrorists kill people.  So naturally, and obviously, this suggestion is asinine.

So since we obviously are not going to stop letting children have guns, we need to find alternative methods of saving our nation from the Terror Tots.  I don’t think we can really ban them…since they are already here, are cuddly, cute, and we love them.  Plus, I am sure there are some “legal” reasons why we can’t just ship them out of our fantastic country.  So, I think that leaves us with only two real, solid, realistic, American-values-oriented options.

1. Pray

Yes, we can really only pray.  Pray that our children, armed to the teeth, will spare our lives, let us live, and will get distracted by our offerings of snack pouches, twice weekly bubble baths, and daily viewings of Super Why, Doc McStuffins, Little Einsteins, and of course, Caillou.  Wait, uh…maybe not Caillou…that show will probably drive them to kill more.  That little bald Canadian is a bloodthirsty foreign terrorist, beamed into our televisions from the Great White North as a form of psychological warfare and punishment.  Plus, he is whiny.

But nevertheless, pray fervently that our American toddlers will choose to defend us, instead of kill us.

2. Build the Wall(s)

Since we cannot ban or deport our own toddlers (I don’t think), we need to follow the foolproof example of our Commander-in-chief and start throwing up walls IMMEDIATELY.

By the way…THIS is not a wall.  This is a “Play Yard.”  Learn the difference and stop being a dumb liberal hippy.

I am not talking about baby gates and play fences.  No.  I am talking about a WALL, made out of American Steel and Concrete.  Walls everywhere…don’t care where, just build them.  Build them to keep the children out…and…uh…in?

You may say, “But won’t that be expensive?”  I would answer:  Oh yeah!  It will take craploads of money!  But…can you put a price tag on not being killed by your own homegrown terrorist child?  The answer is no; you cannot.  Avoid carnage at all costs, I always say.  You can’t put a price on happiness, and nothing would make me more happy than not getting shot by a toddler.

Besides, there is an obvious answer to the problem of funding:  We will make Canada pay for the walls.  Canada will pay for the walls, trust me, they will.  That pretty boy Trudeau will pay for the all the walls as restitution for inflicting the scourge known as Caillou on our innocent country.  It is LITERALLY the least they can do.  Canada will pay, walls will be built, and toddlers will be kept at bay.

You will pay for unleashing evil upon our country, you gorgeous hunk of a man! You will pay for our walls, you dreamy Prime Minister of evil children’s programming!

In Closing:

We can all agree, we love our children, but we also fear them.  This is right, necessary, and healthy.  Let us pray, and let us feverishly build walls.  We know we are much safer behind walls.  Let us make sure to close off our minds, as we board up our homes.  The threats of global terrorism are no doubt real, and we should definitely ignore reason, facts, and statistics and instead commit ALL of our time and FEAR to the issue of “preventing” terror attacks.  But to ignore the terror that a short time ago burst forth from our American loins and wombs is a grave and dire sin as well.  Together, with some well placed American Steel, and constant prayer, we can all make America Safe, and Great Again.

REMEMBER:

Pray. Canada will pay.  The Walls will keep the Terror Tots at bay.

Have a nice day.

May God help us all.

January 30, 2017April 20, 2017 by Kyle Categories: comedy, humor, kids, parenting, Politics, Random, satire, UncategorizedTags: america, facts, fear, guns, immigrants, jokes, laughter, parenting, refugees, satire, statistics, terror, terrorism, toddlers, Trump, walls Leave a comment

Cold Cash and Colder Hearts

The following are the lyrics from a song called “Cold Cash and Colder Hearts” that was written by the band Thrice.

I feel like we, as a nation, and especially as those of us who identify as Christians, could do well to remember the ideas and thoughts put forth in these lyrics.  American Christians have gotten too comfortable.  We are quick to judge, and slow to love.  Quick to put our needs first, and slow to address the needs of others.  I pray that, with God’s help, we would all seek to grow as Christians.

---

Cold Cash and Colder Hearts

By,

THRICE

---

They are sick, they are poor
And they die by the thousands and we look away
They are wolves at the door
And they’re not gonna move us or get in our way

‘Cause we don’t have the time
Here at the top of the world
Feeling alright
Here at the top of the world

We hold our own by keeping our hearts cold

Different god, darker skin
They are just not a burden that we’d like to bear
They are living in “sin”
There are so many reasons for us not to care

But I’m feeling alright
Here at the top of the world
Doing just fine
Here at the top of the world

We’ve learned money matters most
So we keep our cards held close
Here at the top of the world

We hold our own by keeping our hearts cold
And we’ve learned what matters most
So we keep our hearts cold

They are no one
They are nowhere
They are not our problem
Not worth saving
Nonexistent if we keep our hearts cold

They are no one
They are nowhere

January 26, 2017January 26, 2017 by Kyle Categories: Christianity, Politics, Random, UncategorizedTags: Christianity, Christians, lyrics, song, syria, thrice, Trump Leave a comment

LEAKED: Trump’s Original (Unedited) Inaugural Address

 

The following is a leaked copy of Donald J. Trump’s original Inaugural Address, which was to be given on Jan. 20th, 2017:

Trump approaches the microphone in front of the Capitol Building, waving to the crowd, giving tiny “thumbs up” and pointing, at nobody in particular.

Trump begins:

Alright folks, thank you, thanks folks.  This is just fantastic isn’t it?  Look at all these peeple!  Ah, the peeple, you really love me.  Peeple love Donald Trump, I’ve always said it!  No seriously, thank you to all the real American peeple out there today, making America Great Again.  Who needs celebrities right?  It’s like I always said on my enormously popular yuge hit NBC show Celebrity Apprentice, I said, “Celebrities, you’re fired!”  I still believe that.  The dishonest media, they say different, but no, you’ll check.

So, I want to thank some peeple first, who made this yugely successful victory possible.  It really was yuge, I mean, poor Hillary, who is sitting right over there folks, she really just lost so badly.  She doesn’t even know what to do!  Hi Hillary!  Such a sad, evil loser.  But thank you Hill, no seriously, you’re great.  Yuge loser, but great.  I mean, you’ll end up in jail, but whatever… maybe you won’t.  We’ll see.  I’ll tweet about it later, believe me.  Big league.

Anyway folks, wow…its cold!  Who says global warming is real?  I am right?  Of course I’m right…we could really use some global warming right now though!  Too bad it’s fake news…fake, very fake, as fake as BuzzCNN Feed, believe me!  Very sad.  Wrong.

So anyway, I decided something glorious about the wall I’m gonna build, who remember’s that?

Paid staffers cheer.

Ok good, so you remember.  I almost forgot.  But now I decided to make it out of solid gold.  Wasn’t gonna build it, maybe put up a fence, then decided: No…it’s gonna be gold.  More luxurious, more fantastic, just great folks.  Believe me, I know how to build things out of gold!  Don’t worry, Mexico will pay for it.  And also Meryl Streep.  Overrated as an actress, but lots of cash, loves gold, wants to pay for the gold wall.  Trust me, she will.   After it’s built and she and Mexico pay for it, she’s going over that wall folks.  She isn’t our country’s best, ok?  Probably a rapist, most likely an illegal.  Not making things great enough.  Too much talky talk, too much acting, big league overrated.

So like I was saying, thanks to Meryl for being rich enough to build a gold wall…thanks to my family, especially the attractive ones.  I mean come on peeple, Melania and Ivanka, just great right?  Solid 10s.  Love them.  The rest of my family?  They’re here too.

I want to thank my good friend and hero Sean Hannity, for being the only honest media person in this entire country.  Trust me, he is.  I want to thank Russia, for just being Russia.  Just an inspiring country…now there is leadership!  Great Russia I call it.  So sad that our country isn’t great like them.  Am I right folks?  Believe me.  Just fantastically sad!

So I want to keep this simple, and short…much like my fingers…so we won’t keep you out here much longer…the lack of gold is really starting to make things not great.  If nothing else, I am a simple man…like the common person, you know, the middle America farmers and plumbers, just fantastic folks, yugely normal.  You, like me, we were struggling, am I right?  I struggle just like any other New York City Billionaire, you know?  We needed things to be greater!  All of our Trump Towers…they weren’t as luxurious and gold…Obama’s fault, or crooked Hillary.  Both of them Muslims.

Not sure, you’ll figure it out.  So thanks to everyone who did the right, honest, thing and voted for me.  No thanks to those who did not…losers.  You’re now my enemies, and you lost big league.  We need to unite behind me, both the people who got it right, and the wrong losers who are my loser enemies.  Support me, just great.  Let’s be respectful to me, ok?

I want to thank my good friend Franklin Graham.  Where’s Frank?  There he is!  Fantastic human being.  Frank tells me, and I believe him, that God made me president.  God, great guy…yuge fan of mine.  God, who did write a great Bible-iography, just fantastic.  One of my favorites…almost as good as my books!  Jesus the God says, in His book, we need America to be great again, and only Trump can do it, am I right folks?  Look, God, He loves America…especially Americans who were born here, and look like me, and believe like me, and talk like me, and have wives like me, and share political views like me, and voted for me.  Just loves them!  At least, that’s what Franklin has told me.

So I am going to stop talking, and start making America Great Again, for at least a few weeks, until I get bored, then I’ll let Pence run things however he wants.  Anything goes for Pence.  Good man, Pency Pence.  I have a lot to do…I have healthcare to take away from peeple, I have gold walls to build, marital affairs to engage in…err…I mean…political affairs.  Just luxuriously fantastically great!  Don’t know, don’t care.  Don’t talk to me about it or ask me questions, check my twitter…I have a yuge amount of followers.  Making Tweets Great Again.

So thank you, and as they say, God Bless Donald Trump, and every American who voted for him, and not the losers and illegal immigrants who didn’t!

Trump walks away from the podium, hugs his wife and Ivanka, ignores the rest of his family, flips off Hillary Clinton, eats some gold dust, and goes off camera.

 

 

 

January 17, 2017January 23, 2017 by Kyle Categories: humor, Politics, Random, UncategorizedTags: fakenews, GODHELPUS, hacked, humor, inauguration, parody, Politics, president, satire, speech, Trump Leave a comment

Christian Nationalism: A False Gospel

Christianity teaches that there is one true Gospel: The Good News of Jesus Christ, found in the Bible.  This Scriptural Gospel tells us that Jesus was sent to die for the sins of all, and by faith alone, in His sacrifice for us on the cross, we receive salvation.  Most (if not all) who call themselves Christians would agree with this foundational belief.  As Jesus says in John 14:  “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”  This is the one true Gospel.

However, this message has been getting lost.  In America many Christians have mixed up the message of Christianity and created a false gospel, based on a false narrative and a misguided system of hope.  It has created a sort of “Hyper-Spiritualized Patriotism” that manifests in something called Christian Nationalism.  I would define Christian Nationalism as:

A damaging mixture of  moralistic religion and blindly partisan politics blended together, which puts one’s trust, allegiance, and hope into the political process and figureheads instead of solely in God. It champions patriotic zeal ahead of the true Christian message of Jesus Christ and His loving sacrifice.  This entangled system of beliefs serves the self, denies others, and applauds power over grace.  All the while, masquerading as pure doctrinal Christianity, thus reflecting poorly on the actual message of Jesus, and damaging the witness of the church. This creates division and disunity, and shows a lack of basic Christian care, virtue, and trust.

Now, there is nothing wrong with a Christian involved in politics.  The political process in and of itself is not the issue at hand here.  Christians interested in politics are not my point of contention.  A Christian involved in politics ceases to simply be a “Christian voting” or “a Christian Republican/Democrat” when he or she forgets their true calling and priorities as a Child of God, and begins to compromise their values, beliefs, and teachings in the name of partisan (on both sides) politics and political gains and policies.  Most recently this trend has been more closely tied with Republican politics and the candidacy of Donald Trump, although in the past it could have been applied to the Democratic party as well.

Christianity ceases and Christian Nationalism starts when foundational doctrinal beliefs are discarded in favor of the hopes and worldly promises of our country and our tainted political process.  When pride and identity are wrapped up in the flag of our country instead of in the promises of our true Savior, there and then we have created some sort of new religion, that is easily mistaken for Christianity, but adds poisonous ingredients that tarnish the true words and teachings of Jesus.

A False Narrative:  Perpetuated and Embraced

This system of thinking (Christian Nationalism) find’s its roots in the idea that the Founding Fathers of our nation founded and setup our country to be a “Christian Nation.”  It posits this was their intention, and any deviation from this “Christian Ideal” is seen as America straying from its intended purpose.   This false narrative is followed and stressed, with the idea being that we need to make America a Christian Nation AGAIN…or as some would now conveniently say: “Make America Great Again.”  The problem is the “again” part.  America was not founded as a Christian nation.  It was founded as a nation of religious freedoms and tolerance of religious activities.  John Adams literally said, “The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian Religion.”  That’s pretty clear.  America was not setup to be a theocracy.  Yet many religious folks believe that we somehow have to “Get back to what the founders wanted” and “Embrace our Christian roots.”

It has been proven that many of the Founding Fathers (Including but not limited to: John Quincy Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Thomas Paine, and George Washington) were not Christians, but were Deists, believing in Deism rather than Christianity.  In short, Deism is the belief that there is a higher power, or “god”.  But this belief is grounded in reason and logic, not faith.  It is primarily an intellectual belief system, that says that this “god” does not interact with humanity in any way, and instead remains aloof and far off.  This is not Christianity.

There are several other facts that debunk the narrative stating that America was founded as a Christian nation, but these go mostly ignored by those who claim the origin of America to be Christian.  Was America founded on religious freedoms?  Absolutely.  Was it founded on morals and values that are often reflected or in agreement with Christian values?  I’d say yes.  But this does not make America a Christian nation.  Again, it is a Democracy (Ok, ok I know…Democratic Republic!), not a theocracy.

A False Hope: Politics and People

This yearning to return to a “Golden Age of Christian America” –expertly tapped into by Trump– has caused large sections of the Christian church in America to put their hope in the false gods and idols of Politics and Politicians.  Basic Christian morals take a back seat.  The crux of Christianity is the cross; that is where our hope rests.  But too often the flag of our country is waved in front of the cross.  Christian Nationalism, with its power and standing, is embraced while Christian compassion and care are discarded and thrown off as weak, soft, and inadequate.

Now, I am not saying that as Americans we should not love our country.  And if you are reading this and that is what you think I am saying by all this, then maybe you need to step back and look at your priorities, because that type of reactionary and defensive thinking is one of the things that is creating the problems we are seeing in our country and world today.

I do feel blessed to live in the United States of America.  God has greatly and richly blessed me, and I was INCREDIBLY fortunate to have been born in the time, place, and situation that I find myself in.  I would go so far as to say that I am even privileged.  However, as much as I appreciate my country, I do not put my trust in it.  As much as I may admire a particular person/politician, I do not put my hope in them.

Politicians, laws, Supreme Court rulings, political parties, political platforms, campaign promises, reforms, and everything else related to people and politics are all just temporary noise and an inconsequential distraction.  It’s a time waste.  To put our trust and hope in a political figure, movement, or idea, is really just misguided, and is a subtle form of idolatry.  I understand the stupid irony of me writing a political post/article and basically saying that politics don’t matter.  But really, they don’t.

Jesus did not dwell on the politics of the world He lived in.  He dismissed them.  He did not come to effect political change and policy.  He did not come to “Make Israel Great Again”.  He did not seek to establish an earthly kingdom based on systems of politics and human endeavours.  People wanted Him to; but He didn’t.  He wanted to change hearts, and to effect relational change, not to change laws and affect political change.  Jesus shows us that time spent dwelling on politics (while not inherently wrong) is time that would be better spent dwelling on things like Jesus and His message of hope and salvation.  It is a question of priorities.

Putting our hope in a President is a false hope.  Whether that President is a Democrat or a Republican, a Liberal or a Conservative, Black or White, Male or Female, Christian or Non-Christian, that person should never be the source of our hope.  To invest our hopes and dreams in any person will only end in disappointment and regret.  They will not deliver us.  They will not save us.

Christian Nationalism puts aside moral Christian convictions, and instead replaces them with political party affiliation bent on political gains.  Whether these gains are well-intentioned is beside the point.  The real damage done by the apparent hypocrisy of abandoning the core values of your faith in order to push through an elected official who many believe will “Bring back Christianity”, far outweighs the possible rewards of any political or legislative action that individual may or may not do.

Anything in our lives, whether it be money, power, material possessions, personal relationships, ANYTHING that we put above God, is misplacing our hope and putting it in something false. The gospel of Christian Nationalism is therefore a false hope, resting on a corrupted, idolatrous worldview that does not further the cause of Christianity.

A False Message: Misguided and Misrepresentative

The ideology of Christian Nationalism is misguided and dangerous.  Unfortunately for both Christians and Non-Christians, the ideals and values of Christian Nationalism are too often considered pure Christianity, even though they are a truly tragic misrepresentation.  I reject the characterization of this Quasi-Christianity as being representative of the true heart of the Christian message.  The message of Christianity is not helped or aided by a misguided amalgamation of politics and religion.  When the church and the state are not separated, more often than not, the church is the one that suffers.  It suffers in both real and perceived ways.

I believe that all Christians should point to Christ, not to country.  Now more than ever, need to stand up to defend Jesus, not our political stances and partisan affiliations.  We see so much time, energy and passion being spent debating about “liberal vs. conservative this” and “left vs. right that”, that we forget!  We forget!  We forget what we are, and who we are!

We are not political tools.  We are not a means to an end for a politician!  We, as Christians, are the representatives of Jesus Christ on earth!  We are the Light of the world!  We are called to share the love of Christ with ALL.  This message applies equally to all races, all genders, all political affiliations, all income levels.  It bridges every gap.  It heals every hurt and comforts every pain!  How can we forget this?  How are we so easily swayed by political gains, and false hopes?  It is disturbing and sad!  It pains me to see my God, whom I love, portrayed in such a poor and inadequate way!

Christians should be shouting in the streets that THIS false gospel is NOT us!  Christianity is not about “Country First”.  True Christianity is self-sacrificing.  It says, I would rather suffer than to ignore the needs of those around me and around the world.  I would rather be persecuted than NOT love my Lord and my neighbor FIRST!  It shows that MY needs are secondary.  Christianity is NOT:  Guns, God, and Glory.  It is not some catchphrase to be applied to your life only when it serves your self interests, your political leanings, and your own issues.  It is important that we say this!  It is important that we present Jesus in all His full majesty to those outside of the church!  Why do we feel the need to dirty and tarnish His pure love and message by compromising the heart of Christianity?  Why do we feel that we need politics to pursue our true calling?

In order to be as clear as possible, here is a list of things that differentiate the false message of Christian Nationalism from the true and trustworthy teachings of the Bible and Jesus:

• Christian Nationalism says:  Country First, Me First
  • Jesus says: God and Others first, self last.
• Christian Nationalism says: America is (being made?) Great.
  • Jesus says: God is Great.
• Christian Nationalism says: Patriotism above all else.
  • The Bible says:  Christ above all else.
• Christian Nationalism says: Change the Laws.
  • Jesus says: Change the hearts.
• Christian Nationalism says: We Trust in Politicians and Politics to save us (Christians).
  • The Bible says: Trust in Jesus Christ alone to save us (all mankind).
• Christian Nationalism says: Christians need to be comfortable; comfort is important.
  • Jesus says:  People will hate you because of My (Jesus’) name.  Never promises comfort.
• Christian Nationalism says: We blame others (immigrants, terrorists, minorities).
  • Jesus says:  We love and speak up for “others”
• Christian Nationalism says: It’s Us vs. Them – Divide, exclude (left vs. right). Exclusive.
  • Jesus says: I died for all.  Unite.  Embrace.  Welcome in. Inclusive.
• Christian Nationalism says:  Capitalism and Power are to be praised.
  • Jesus says:  Compassion and humility are to be praised.
• Christian Nationalism teaches:  Fear, anger, greed, and self-pity drive us.
  • Jesus teaches: Love, hope, joy, and self-sacrifice drive us.

The message of the perverted gospel of Christian Nationalism is not the message of Jesus.  It is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.  Its followers claim holiness and justice, but they toss them aside when the opportunity for “advancement” or “progress of cause” presents itself.  They claim the moral high ground but dirty themselves in the sewer of situational ethics and moral relativism.  In the end, its hope is misguided, in that it rests in human hands; and ultimately, it is misrepresentative of Christianity because it trades eternal significance for temporary, fleeting human constructs.

A False Victory: A Poor Witness and a Damaging Outcome

Many Christian Nationalists consider the outcome of this past election to have been a monumental victory.  They have taken the opportunity to puff out their chests and point to the “losers” to demean their pain and sadness.  Instead of showing concern and care for those who are honestly fearful of a Trump presidency, they have instead resorted, in many cases, to name calling.  They point to those around them, labeled “liberals” and “leftists” and refer to them as “crybabies”, “snowflakes”, and other more crass and harsh words.  Emboldened by their political victory, they have further forgotten the call of Christ, to mourn with those who mourn, to comfort those around us, and to seek to be a voice for those who ACTUALLY are marginalized in our society and around the world.

Although it is true Trump won our election, I don’t see this as a victory for the “Christian cause.”  In order to support a presidential candidate like Donald Trump, Christians who voted for him had to overlook, condone, and excuse his myriad of wrong, damaging, and sinful behavior.  Christian Nationalism embraced situational ethics, and said that the end justified the means in electing Trump.  The actions of many Christians (mainly white) showed those outside the church that those claiming Christianity were too willing to shift their moral values.  All these moral and ethical compromises were done in the name of furthering the false hopes and false victory of Christian Nationalism.  This misguided movement fought for a man who does not represent Christ.  Christian Nationalists fought the battle and won the White House, but lost their witness.  They won their battle, but lost the hearts of those watching them.  This false victory is fleeting and temporary.

It fills me with great sadness to see so many good and upright people subscribing to this tainted system of beliefs.  Christianity like this (moralistic/nationalistic/partisan) is lost Christianity.  It is Christianity without its center and its core…it is empty and invalid.  I hate seeing lost people.  I hate seeing false hope.  And I hate seeing the damaging witness that this empty form of politically driven religion is presenting to our nation.

To those outside the church and outside of the Christian faith, please know this:  The form of Christianity presented in this election season is not valid.  It is not true, and it is not acceptable.  What happened was wrong.  There is no other word for it.  It was wrong.  The message of Trump had no place being associated with the message of Jesus.  Unfortunately, Christians are often times wrong in their actions.  We are hypocritical and we are hurtful.

But Jesus never is. 

TRUE Christianity is always worth fighting for, and I will always defend it.  I won’t defend the actions of many within the church this election, but I will always defend Jesus.  He will never fail you, He will never marginalize you, and He will never compromise His love, compassion, and mercy.  He is trustworthy and praiseworthy.  True, uncompromising victory is found only in Him.

The outcome now of this election will be defined by many things.  What type of President will Trump be?  What promises will he keep and what promises will he drop?  I have no idea.  But I do know this:  Christians need to reject the false gospel of Christian Nationalism.  We cannot subscribe to this way of thinking anymore.  We need to refocus on the true Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Trump’s victory was not a moral victory; it was only a victory for a misguided expression of Christianity.

A True Solution: Embrace Hope in Christ

Christianity can be a beautiful thing when it is focused on the hope we have in Christ Jesus.

Christians are called to stand up for what is good and right, and reject what is wrong and harmful.  I am not going to list all the actions and words that Donald Trump has said and done that do not align with Christianity.  All the objections of Trump are well documented.  Politicized religion chose to ignore many of these highly disqualifying attributes.  Instead of rejecting a culture of fear, it embraced it.  Instead of rejecting the focuses on self and self-interests, it elevated them.  This was truly unfortunate.

We now have the opportunity to change, and to stand up for Christ.  We need to embrace those around us and show them that our hope rests in Jesus, not in judicial policies and political propaganda.

I pray for Donald Trump.  I hope and pray he is a good president.  I didn’t vote for him (or Hillary), but I will recognize him as our president.  I know that God can use even him for good, and I know God can heal our country.  But the church needs to stop finding its identity in politics and people.  We need to trust in God.  We need to invest our time and resources in growing relationships with people, not growing political standing and influence.  We need to seek to influence the hearts of those around us, not the politics that restrict or govern them.  We need Jesus to change us, we don’t need to change laws.  We need to look at ourselves hard, and ask what we should be doing for others; not what can others do for us.  How can we love God more?  How can we love others more?

I pray for those who were hurt.  I pray for the immigrants who are unwelcome, and the minorities who are truly marginalized.  I pray for the LGBTQ Community who are judged, and for the poor who are forgotten.  I know that politics will not solve these hurts, but I believe Jesus can.  I pray that I can help comfort those who were hurt, and understand them.  I pray that Christianity can present Jesus to them, and not present judgement.  I believe prayer is stronger than politics.

Christian Nationalism is a very real thing, but it is not true.  It is time for the Christian church in America to reject the fear based tilt of Christian Nationalism, and return to the Word of God, found in the only real Gospel that is shown to us through Jesus Christ, and His death on the cross for all of us.

 

 

 

December 7, 2016December 16, 2016 by Kyle Categories: Christianity, Politics, Random, UncategorizedTags: Christianity, Faith, Hope, left, nationalism, Politics, Religion, right, Trump, Trust Leave a comment

Letter to a Christian Voter

Dear Christian Voter,

As you no doubt have heard, this year’s election is of great importance.  Some say it may very well affect the future of the Christian Church here in America.  I  would tend to agree with these statements.  We are definitely at a crossroad as a country, and as a community of faith.  However, I believe these statements to be true not because of the candidates running, but because of the people voting.  Specifically, Christian voters like yourself.

I decided to write this letter, after much thought and prayer.  It is my honest hope and desire that you would read through this, and have an open heart and open mind.  Please put aside partisan politics.  Please consider this my plea to you, and my appeal to your better judgement.  This letter is not intended to guilt you into something, and it is not intended to accuse and condemn you.  I simply felt that I could no longer be silent, and needed to share what I believe, in the clearest terms possible.

As in any election there are issues at play this year that will affect Christians, and will affect Christian causes.  I believe it is reasonable and justifiable to be concerned about this election.  However, the one thing that I believe will affect the Christian Church in America in a truly lasting way, more than any one political platform or partisan idea, is wrapped up in this question:

As Christians, who (and what) will we support?

Right now, the entire country, and the world, is watching us in this election.  They see Donald Trump, and they are reading, hearing, and witnessing on a daily basis the indefensible things he is professing and representing.

Christianity stands for something.  It represents Jesus Christ.  It is a faith-based system of beliefs that celebrates love, peace, joy, hope, self-control, sacrifice, humility, and total dependence on the love and goodness of the God we trust and serve.  Or at least, that is what we claim.  But in the past year, as Christians have chosen to support and even defend Trump,  I have seen Christianity being associated with, and supporting:

• Racial Discrimination/Racism
• Mockery of the Disabled
• Sexual Assault
• Greed and Corruption
• Sexual Objectification of Minors
• Sexual Objectification of Women
• Unabashed Arrogance and Boastfulness
• Fear Mongering
• Rampant Adultery
• Vilification of Immigrants
• Vilification of Refugees
• Lack of Repentance (Unrepentant Sin)
• Sexism and Misogyny
• Prejudice and Ignorance
• Invitations to Violence
• …and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on…

So, please tell me: How can these things be supported by Christians? 

How can Christians support (and even defend) a candidate who has professed and exhibited everything I just listed?  This is the question we should be asking ourselves.  THIS is the issue that will define the Christian Church in America.  How far will the values of Christianity be stretched, before they are completely broken?

For at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.  Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:8-11

Justifying the Unjustifiable

Now, those who support Trump would say that things are not so simple!  You can’t just say “Don’t vote Trump” when there are other concerning factors in play.  However, it appears that Christians have become great ethical gymnasts.  They are ready and willing to twist, turn, and stretch the truth in order to turn it into something that vaguely resembles a justification for their support of a candidate who, to all other discerning eyes, appears to be in direct opposition to the goals, values, and beliefs that they hold to be most vital.  Although there are various justifications people may choose in supporting Trump,  here are the 3 that I hear most often from Christians who intend to vote Trump for President:

1. What about Abortion?  At least Donald Trump is Pro-Life!
2. What about the Supreme Court?  At least Donald Trump has said he will nominate conservative Justices!
3. What about Hillary?  I’m not saying Trump isn’t bad… but Hillary is way worse!

First Justification: What about Abortion?

Countless pages could be written on this topic, and I cannot cover all the details and points in this single letter, but I will do my best to summarize my thoughts.  I myself am Pro-Life, and my past votes have been strongly influenced by a candidate’s stance on the issue of abortion.  I believe abortion is wrong.  I do believe it is an important issue, and a heartbreaking one.  Christians who are Pro-Life hold this position because we believe that all life, even life in utero, is sacred, and worth protecting.  I am well aware that many Christians make the issue of abortion THE deciding factor on whom they vote for and support.

It is true that Donald Trump now says he is Pro-Life.  And it is true that Hillary Clinton is Pro-Choice.  As I will explain later, this letter is not to be misconstrued as an appeal to vote for Hillary Clinton.

However, voting for Donald Trump solely or mostly because of his stance on the issue of abortion is misguided, and a false hope.  Up until quite recently, Trump has publicly professed in interviews to be “very pro-choice” , supported Planned Parenthood, and in the past has even gone so far as to say that he was “OK” with Partial Birth Abortion and would not support a ban on it.  Even today, he does not subscribe to a “hardline stance” on abortion, as he says it should be allowable in certain cases.  Now, I am not here to argue the finer points of the abortion issue, I am simply trying to present a case that shows that Donald Trump may not be the Pro-Life Champion that he wants you to think he is.

I believe Trump realizes that the Pro-Life voting bloc in our country is sizeable and dedicated.  He sees that aligning himself with this group of people would be a shrewd move politically, and would benefit him tremendously.  I believe Trump also realizes that the issues related to abortion and the Pro-Life movement are vitally important to Christian voters.  I do not believe these issues are vitally important to him.

Why do I say this?  Well, if the Pro-Life movement was important to Donald Trump, wouldn’t you think he would officially list it as part of his written platform?  You would be wrong.  I went to donaldjtrump.com, to read his official stance on abortion, and I found… nothing.  Not one mention of abortion, Pro-Life, or the sanctity of life.  You would assume if the issue of abortion was indeed important to him, it would at least warrant one mention.

Additionally, during his official speech, accepting the GOP’s nomination at the RNC this year, Donald Trump did not say one word about abortion or about being Pro-Life.  Not one word.  Why is this significant, you ask?

It is significant because the last time a Republican Nominee for President DID NOT mention the issue of abortion during their official GOP Presidential Nomination Speech was in 1980!  For the last 36 years (!) the issue had been brought up by EVERY nominated Presidential Candidate during their GOP acceptance speech… until this year, with Donald Trump.

Trump saying he is Pro-Life clearly benefits him now, while he is courting conservative voters.  It does not benefit him after this election, when he would have to spend time, and political capital to try to make progress for a Pro-Life cause.  I think history shows us that Donald Trump does things that benefit Donald Trump… everything and everyone else is secondary.

On a slightly different note, I would like to say that while I personally feel the Pro-Life cause is worthy of Christian support, I feel that some of the passion and dedication to the cause is misplaced.  It is invested in politics, when it should be invested in personal relationships with people.  I don’t think trying to legislate morality is particularly effective or appealing.

Example: I would love it if everyone was a Christian, just as I would love it if there was never another abortion.  But I obviously cannot change your heart and force you into Christianity by pursuing political means to accomplish that goal.  Christianity requires a change of heart, not a change of laws.  In the same way, I can try to stop you from having an abortion through politics and court rulings, but that won’t change your heart, or the heart of the issue.  I would love to see Christians spend the same amount of time and energy, and pour the same amount of passion into people on a relational level as they do on the issue of abortion on a political level.  I think that if we focused on people instead of politics, more than any law we would try to pass, or political figure we falsely put our hope in, we would help make an actual difference in decreasing abortion in our country.  I would rather change your heart than change your laws…maybe then I could change your mind.

Second Justification: What about the Supreme Court?

Even if Christians do feel Trump’s support for abortion is wavering, they usually fall back on an argument involving the Supreme Court.  Basically, this argument says that although Trump may be objectionable (he is), and although his stance on conservative issues (like abortion) may not be as strong as Christians and conservatives would like (they aren’t), at the very least he has said he will appoint justices to the Supreme Court that DO care about these issues.

Now, in order to justify this objection, several uncertain assumptions must be made.  The first question being: Who is to say Donald Trump will follow-up on his promise to nominate conservative justices?  It is confusing to me that Christians will say they object to Trump and his behavior, they agree his statements are indefensible, but they still trust him to follow through on his word in appointing conservative justices for nomination to the Supreme Court.  A man with questionable character and poor judgement is probably not a man you want to blindly trust and follow, especially in areas of great importance.

But let’s go ahead and assume Trump would in fact try to do what he says upon election.  Let’s assume (however risky) that Trump would appoint conservative justices.  The next assumption we must make is that he would have more than one vacancy to fill.  The oldest judge on the Supreme Court is Ruth Bader Ginsburg, at 83 years old.  She is known to be a liberal judge, appointed by Bill Clinton.  She has expressed her desire to serve as a Supreme Court Justice until she is 90.  Despite health concerns (including cancer, which she beat) in the late 90’s, she appears to be in fairly good health today.  I also find it hard to believe that she would voluntarily retire while someone like Donald Trump is serving as President of the United States.  Other justices are getting older as well (Kennedy is 80, Breyer is 78), but there is absolutely no guarantee these justices would retire or pass away (which seems a bit morbid to even discuss) during a four-year presidential term.

But, again, let’s go ahead and continue to say that all this will happen.  Let’s assume that if Trump were President, and he actually DID keep his word, and there actually WERE 3-4 positions to open up on the bench during that time, even then, we still have further assumptions to tackle.  Let’s also say that a nominee from a President Trump would be confirmed and installed… which is in no way a guarantee.  We are then left to assume that these judges actually would be making conservative rulings.  Again, history shows us that this is not always the case, and it is a dangerous assumption to make.

Let’s take Roe v. Wade as an example.  The assumption is that liberal judges make liberal rulings, and conservative judges (primarily judges appointed by conservatives and Republicans) make conservative rulings.  This seems logical, but is false.  In 1973, when the Supreme Court made their decision on Roe v. Wade, and ruled in favor of Roe, thus legalizing abortion, 6 out of the 9 Justices were actually considered “Conservative”, and appointed by Republican Presidents.

In fact, 5 of the conservative Justices voted in favor of legalizing abortion, while only 1 voted against it.  The ruling was 7 to 2, in favor of Roe (which legalized abortion).  Of the 2 justices that voted against this decision, only one was a Republican appointed Justice, and the other was appointed by a Democratic President, his name is Byron White.  This fact does not support those who would argue that a Supreme Court filled with conservative justices would make conservative decisions.

But I suppose you could say that was a long time ago, and that the conservative movement, and even the Democratic and Republican Parties have changed a lot since then.  Right?  Well let’s look at a more recent example of when a very “conservative” court chose to rule in a way to continue to keep abortion legal.

In 1993, the Supreme Court ruled on the case of Planned Parenthood v. Casey.  This court case dealt with things like informed consent, spousal notification, and other issues directly involving abortion.  Many believed that the Court would not only rule on this case, but take this opportunity to either uphold or overturn Roe v. Wade, which they did.  By this point in 1993, the two Justices appointed by Democratic Presidents who ruled in favor of legalizing abortion in 1973 had retired, and they were replaced by conservative Justices, appointed by Republican Presidents like Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.  In total, 8 of the 9 Supreme Court Justices at the time of this ruling were “conservatives”, appointed by Republican Presidents.  The ONLY Justice appointed by a Democrat who was serving on the Bench at this time was Byron White, who, if you remember me mentioning earlier, had already voted AGAINST legalizing abortion in the ruling on Roe v. Wade in 1973.

You would think this would be a great opportunity for the Court to actually make a difference in the legal realm in concern to the legality of abortion!  Well, the Court did rule on whether or not overturn Roe v. Wade, and even though the clear majority of Justices at the time were “Conservative Justices”, they chose not to make abortion illegal.  In fact, they upheld and affirmed the original Roe v. Wade decision, thus keeping abortion legal.

I say ALL this, to say this: Putting our hope and faith in a flimsy promise of a man who does not share your values, to try to accomplish something that may or may not happen (history shows us NOT), is a poor reason to defend a vote for Trump.  It is based on weak assumptions, goes against the facts of history, and is based in shaky logic and questionable moral reasoning.

Bottom Line: This is a very dangerous “The End Justifies the Means” argument. 

My trust is not in politicians or Justices, it is in Jesus Christ.  I am not afraid of the future of our country because God is bigger than any Supreme Court Nomination, or President!

Some trust in chariots and others in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

Psalm 20:7

Third Justification: What about Hillary?  Trump may be bad… but Hillary is way worse!

Let me be clear: I am not saying you should vote for Hillary Clinton.  Hillary Clinton is a politician.  She has lied, she has been morally objectionable, and she has supported ideas, values and issues that are not in line with what Christianity stands for.  Make no mistake; Hillary Clinton is not a savior or champion for the Christian cause either.

However, I am focusing on Christian support for Donald Trump, and am speaking out against it because recent polls and surveys show that only between 2-3% of Christian Evangelicals support Clinton, while anywhere from 55-78% of Christians have professed support for Donald Trump.

Christians have been saying that Trump is bad, but Hillary is WAY worse.  To me, this justification for Trump in contrast to Hillary sounds an awful lot like something I was taught when I was a small child.  To anyone who says that are voting for Trump because Hillary Clinton is “worse”, I’d say:

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

I don’t hate Donald Trump.  I hope Trump is indeed a Christian.  If he is not, I hope he becomes one.  I do believe we should forgive Donald Trump, and I believe it is not our job to judge him.  I also believe we should forgive Bill and Hillary Clinton… but that idea seems to be rather radical to a lot of Christians.

But I also believe that we should not excuse sin and harmful behavior, especially when it poorly reflects Jesus Christ and our Christian faith.  I am offended that Trump is being equated with Christianity.  I hate that good people who I know and love are being deceived by him.  I hate that the cause of Christ could be harmed by Christians supporting his actions.

Along the lines of support for the person, but rejection of his actions, I have heard the following statement:

“I don’t support Trump, but I am going to vote for the Party and the Platform (Republican).”

Two problems with this statement:

1. A vote for the Republican Party Presidential Nominee is a direct vote for Donald Trump, and is in every way a show of support for him.  There is not a more tangible and direct show of support for a person than casting a measurable vote FOR that person.  A vote is a vote of confidence.
2. Donald Trump’s Platform does not necessarily equal the Republican Party’s Platform.

A vote for Trump is a vote for Trump’s Platform, not the Republican Platform.  I believe this statement has been evidenced by the numerous Republican and Conservative politicians who have come out against Donald Trump and have said they do not support him and that he does not hold to or represent their values.

A Problem, and a Suggestion

Up until now I have pointed out a problem.  Namely, that Christian support of Donald Trump is unjustifiable, damaging, and unacceptable.  But the problem still remains that if I apply the same standards to Hillary Clinton, she also becomes unacceptable and unworthy of my vote.  So what do we do?  Instead of just proposing a problem and leaving it at that, I thought and prayed about what possible solution there could be.

I believe that we as Christians need to do something.  We need to say that the two candidates that have been presented to us do not deserve our vote, and are therefore unacceptable.  We need a statement.  We do not need to compromise our beliefs by falling in line, we need to stand up for them and make them known.  Especially in the case of Donald Trump.   Make no mistake: A vote is support for him, and all that he stands for.  Silence is support for him, and is passive allowance and acceptance of his actions.

I propose a boycott:  Don’t vote for either candidate.  Christians love boycotts almost as much as they love church potlucks.

I know, you are saying, “Not voting for Trump is the same as voting for Clinton.”  I don’t subscribe to that reasoning.  Here is why:  Not voting for Trump is not supporting Trump.  Not voting for Trump is trusting God, and not giving in to the rampant fear that has been forced on us by the Trump campaign.  I refuse to be held captive by fear.

God is bigger than this election.  In God, I put my trust.  In Jesus Christ I put my faith and my hope.  I do not hope in politics.  In fact, Jesus himself was basically apolitical.  He did not care about politics. He cared about people.  He loved people.  He died for people.

I am not going to vote for a presidential candidate in this election, because I don’t want to readily offer my support and acceptance of either one of them.  I don’t want to compromise and slowly let my values and morals erode away.  But I still wanted to try to make a statement.  I don’t want someone like Donald Trump EVER trying to represent Christianity again.  So here is what I decided:

When I vote this election,  in the space provided for a write-in Presidential Candidate, I am going to write in a simple and widely known phrase.  I am writing in something that I believe expresses why I don’t have to vote for Trump or Clinton.  I am writing in:

In God We Trust.

Because, that is what we should be doing: Trusting in God.  Not trusting in Trump, not trusting in Clinton.  Not justifying the unjustifiable.

And no, I am not suggesting we elect God as President.  And yes, I know a phrase is not an actual candidate.  But I believe it is a way I can make a statement.  It is a statement we see every day, but probably forget.

I encourage you to not let your fear control you this election.  I’m not saying you should do the exact thing I am doing.  But wouldn’t it be incredible if we could make this statement affect this election?  If people were talking about the phrase ‘In God We Trust” instead of clinging to fear and depression?

What if Christian voters didn’t vote, and instead chose to write-in this statement?  They do count write-in votes… they don’t count towards electing an unofficial or undeclared candidate, but they are tabulated nonetheless.  In all but 7 states at least some form of write-in option is available.  If enough In God We Trust votes were actually tabulated that it somehow warranted a mention in the media, think of how that could bring glory to God.  It could show how His people trust Him, and do not feel the need to cower to fear and false political rhetoric.   I am willing to forgo my right to vote in this Presidential election, and instead use this platform, this single write-in line, to make a statement that I feel is more important and valuable than any partisan politics or false political promises that I could ever be presented with.

Dear Christian Voter,

You will make a difference in this election.  Please let it be a positive and worthwhile one.

#InGodWeTrust

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. -Romans 15:13

October 17, 2016April 20, 2017 by Kyle Categories: Christianity, PoliticsTags: Abortion, Christianity, Christians, Clinton, Election, Faith, Hillary, Justification, Letter, Love, Politics, Religion, Supreme Court, Trump, Trust, Voting 2 Comments

The Bible: New International Trump Version (NITV)

 

The Following is Genesis 1-10, as translated and interpreted by Donald Trump (NITV).

 

Genesis Chapter 1:

Ok folks, there was a beginning, OK?  Trust me, it was a disaster.  There was no luxurious world, nothing was yuge, things were going badly.  It was a total mess, worst mess ever ok?  Very bad.  Believe me.  Then God, a very good friend of mine…closest friend, huge fan…he comes along.  Believe me, no one respects God more than me, no one!  He get things done, he knows how to run his World Business.  He made the world, the finest world you’ve ever seen, trust me.  Lots of birds…lots of Trump Towers I assume, of course, beautiful, like my daughter Ivanka, who is a solid 10.  Everyone agrees with me.  It was fantastic, just fantastic.  Just ask.  I could have done it faster, bigger, but whatever, fine, you’ll check.

Genesis Chapter 2:

Ok, but then God decided to create peeple, lots of peeple, starting out with two.  Two losers, I don’t remember their names…not worth remembering.  Basically, God gave them a deal, a horrible deal, worst deal ever, in the history of deals.  He said: Don’t eat my fruit, and you can stay or whatever.  But it was a disaster, I’ve seen it, it was a disaster.  Tricked by a snake; the snake’s name was Hillary.  Not sure, but probably, most likely…Hillary the snake, disgusting.  Sad, very sad…real losers.  They didn’t know how to win, these peeple, OK?  Give me a break.  Believe me, if God created me first, it would have been fantastic, no sins, no disaster.  Yuge mistake, what a failure, am I right folks?  Should have been me.  We would have won it, made it Great Again.  Disgusting…ashamed…disaster.

Genesis Chapter 3:

Ok, so look, this woman, Evelyn I think, probably fat, very disgusting, ask anyone.  She made a deal with snakes, ok?  The little crawly things on the ground, just pathetic.  Bad business, I could have done much better.  Next, the Guy in Trump Tower Heaven says, “Ok, look, you messed up very bigly, ok?  Sad, very sad.”  So he kicks Adam and his nasty woman out of his garden country.  He kicks em’ right out of the Madison Square Garden of Eden.  He made Eden Great Again.  I would have done better, but nevermind; nevermind.

So God, very godly person, very godly, He says, “Get out of my Madison Square Garden of Eden Country, you’re rapists, you’re thieves…some of you, I assume are good peeple.”  Then He built a wall, and He made Adam pay for it, ok?  Believe me, He did.  This wall was fantastic, very fantastic, yuge wall.  He said, “Donald, what should I, do?”  I said, “Look God, ok, you gotta build the wall!  Crooked Satan, he doesn’t want it, he wants all of these peeple coming in and stealing your trees and whatever.  Lots of yugely bad hombres, very bad, very evil.  Yuge problem.  Gotta close the borders, do it now.”

Genesis Chapter 4:

So God, He listens to me, He builds a wall.  Smart, yugely smart.  Adam, a whiny loser, he doesn’t like it, ok?  He and that woman, Evie, not a 10, very sad, trust me, not my first choice…they leave.  They go out, total losers.  Evelyn has a couple kids, they come out of her…wherever.  One of the kids kills the other, or whatever.  I don’t know.  God hates them because they lost, they didn’t know how to run his garden country…they asked for handouts, always wanting fruit, always talking to creepy crawlies…total disaster.

Genesis Chapters 5-10:

Lots of new peeple show up in God’s country, He didn’t secure is borders, didn’t build the wall fast enough…rookie mistake, trust me.  God gets angry, yuge temper, bigly upset.  God, look, He made a mistake OK?  Making these peeple, not good, not smart business.  Trust me, I could have done better.

So God, bigly mad, he decides, “Ok look, lets bomb them all.”  So he bombs them with water, bombs their families, waterboards them all, lots of water, yuge, fantastic disaster.  Ok, good move.  Strong move by God, very strong.  One mistake: He lets Noah Wyle off the hook.  I don’t know why, look, maybe because Noah Wyle is a very attractive man?  I don’t know, trust me, I don’t.  So Noah Wyle, he builds a big circus cruise, lets all the animals on.  MISTAKE!  Trust me; wrong.  Not very luxurious, very poor choices by Dr. Noah Wyle.  Should have had a better wall…the animals got on illegally if you ask me, very illegal, very bad.  They brought their drugs with them, pouring into the circus cruise.  Criminals, all of them.  Noah Wyle goes and gets his ER friends, good friends of mine also, he gets Clooney, he gets Julianna Margulies, nasty woman, and they go on this big circus boat and play animal doctor or whatever, don’t ask.  Sad.

So God water bombs the terrorists for a while, they all die.  Gone.  Families: Gone.  He lets the cast of ER live, they get off their boat, stinky, smelly, dirty immigrants in God’s Business Country.  Guess what?  Yuge mistake.  Basically, they all mess up again eventually…not very good, not very good.

Look, if you ask me, God made a yuge mistake, messed up bigly.  Should have just created me, Melania, my daughter Ivanka, who is a 10, leave the ugly daughter out of this…we could have made this Earth bigly successful.  Yuge success…don’t need all these others, ask my friend Sean Hannity, he will tell you.  Look, people love me ok?  They love working for me, they love what I do.  Obviously, God is a yuge fan of mine, so why not just make me first ok?  Sad, poor leader, very sad.  I prefer my God to not make mistakes like Adam and Evelyn…Noah Wyle and his dirty immigrant ER friends on a circus cruise with a bunch of illegal animals.  Disaster…total disaster.  Look, I could have made Eden Great Again, that’s all I’m saying…whatever, ok?

 

 

October 16, 2016October 25, 2016 by Kyle Categories: Uncategorized 1 Comment